The most fulfilling experience in life is not possessions, it’s not material objects, although we have to a great degree built our worlds to appear so. The most fulfilling experience is to share our life with someone and for someone to share his or her life with you. We all seek it. We have built a world of unhappiness based upon self-deception out of fear of acknowledging our fears. So why is it such a hard journey to find our happiness? Why is the path to our happiness paved with pain and sorrow and hurt and anger and hate? We constantly fill ourselves with anxieties from the hope of finding the “right person”. “Are they out there?”, “Who is it?”, “Will I find them, or will I spend my whole life looking for them only to fail, and my life be a wasted search?”. Well the big mistake we make is thinking that they have to be the right person, when really, it is us that has to be the right person. We have to be prepared to investigate, ruthlessly, who we really are. There are many books out there to help you understand who you are, you just have to have the courage to admit to yourself that who you think you are is an illusion built by your safety mechanisms to protect you from realising who you really are, just in case the realisation drives you insane (even though you already are).
Neuroscience and psychology have come on leaps and bounds with new studies and discoveries in the last 20 years. We are beginning to outline who we really are, why and how we think the way we do, where and what emotions are. It’s a path that takes courage and an active motivation towards understanding ourselves. Before you can begin to walk it, you really need to have some form or psychological or emotional kick up the arse. And even then, in all likelihood, you’ll back away from that path in fear.
The Neocortex is a new part of our brain. As brain parts go, it’s an annex to the function of our mind, the true mind is purely that of an animal, it’s functions are inbuilt, automatic, pre-programmed, with the facility to update the programming, but not the facility to escape the programming. The neocortex is responsible for much of what we consider the cognitive self, yet if we were to give it a role within basic brain function, it’s not much more than a watcher, interpreter and rationaliser of the impulses and functions of the being that we are, it is, in essence, also the liar, but it is not the part that is responsible for the lies, it’s just the part that makes them up. For the most part we function without the neocortex, the neocortex watches and interprets and builds rationalisations in order to claim authorship for the being that we are, it weaves a web of illusion that we are responsible for our decisions, behaviour and choices. The true motivations come from the primary, animal part of our brain.
The most basic, most established, most powerful parts of our brain are the ones that control our most primitive urges, they are the ones that have been around longest. The amygdala, the hippocampus, etc. We share these parts with all animals right down to insects. The primitive function of survival is still our most powerful motivator when it comes to our human choices and actions. Trouble is that these primitive parts are automatic and blind, yet they have the power to access and hijack the parts of our mind that perceive and interpret. Nowhere is this more evident than in relationships, personal, sexual or business. These parts of our brain are pre-programmed, but are programmable, and are being reprogrammed through out our lives, storing information in order to keep us safe. So when we enter a relationship, especially if we have had past hurt and disappointment in the relationship context, these powerful, automatic, primitive functions, have the power to undermine that relationship. It’s not done maliciously, there’s no intent other than the intent of safety. But these primitive brain parts can hijack our emotions, they can control our perceptions, interpretations and thinking. They don’t mean any bad, even if they do end up causing suffering and hurt, the suffering and hurt are not intended. The intention is safety. When we hurt others, or when we are hurt. The blame doesn’t lie in us or them, but in our primitive need for safety, and for the fact that primitive part of our brain can hijack our emotions, perceptions, interpretations, etc.
It’s that very need for safety that is primitive and basic, that has far more power than our needs to share our life with someone. It’s that very safety mechanism that is responsible for all the hurt, pain, suffering, anger and hate that we experience, and in turn, all the hurt, pain, suffering, anger and hate, just update the programming. And it’s also that very safety mechanism, and this is the most ironic part, that is responsible for the motive for suicide.
We are all essentially afraid of love. We create rationalisations, excuses and even delusional realities in order to keep us safe from loving. When loving and being loved is really all we want and need to make us happy in life. And we do all this because we are dictated to and hijacked by our primitive mind’s need to keep us safe. Because loving, and then hurting or losing that love, has taught us to fear love in a very primitive way. And no matter what reasoning you have put behind it, if you take it out and analyse it, if you have the courage to face the truth in yourself, you will see you have created the reason, and that there is really no objective reason to your reasoning. You just fear Love.





 Glossary of brain regions