I have already mentioned that from a biological point of view that there is 2 types of love, but now I want to discuss 2 types of loving from an analytical point of view.

I read a paragraph from “(per)versions of love and hate” [see book list]. That my immediate reaction was “Bollocks”. So I decided to ask myself why I so quickly reacted that way. Was it because I needed to defend the myth of love? Here’s the paragraph:

“Is there anyway to resolve the puzzles of Love and Hate? at the end of the seminar Encore, Lacan says, “To know what your partner will do is not a proof of love”. Thus, love can flourish only because we are split subjects, i.e. only because we know nothing about each other’s being, which also means that there is no love without the impossibility attached to it. In love, too, we must accept that, in the end, it says nothing; that is why for centuries people created their best artwork in trying to give measure to it, i.e. to fill it’s lack.”

This seems to suggest that we can only love another for something that they don’t have. Now love is a projection and we love someone not for who they are but because the love comes from inside us and we choose to put that love in another being.

1. One type of love comes from inside us as a desire for something we don’t have and we see someone else as filling that lack, but they don’t fill that lack because that is impossible as the lack is inside and looking outside for the thing to fill that lack doesn’t work, so the thing we give them that we love, doesn’t exist in them. This is the wrong type of love. This is illusionary love that comes from the factthat you hate what is within you and you seek compensation.

2. The other type of love also comes from inside, but it is the recognising in someone else that which IS inside us rather than that which is NOT. This love is not an illusion! because it is loving something that IS inside another person because you recognise that what is inside that person is inside you, and you love that which is within you, so you love that which is inside them.

The problem with the second type of love is if the person whom you love, hates what is inside them, so loving that person reminds them of what is inside of them, and as they hate what is inside them, and try to deny what it is they hate, they fear you will see what they hate and what they desperately try to deny in themselves. You are loving something that they hate and this can cause severe conflict in a person who hates themself that leads to destruction of the relationship.

I believe that illusionary love can flourish when we know nothing about our partners true nature. But REAL LOVE can only flourish when we truly know ourselves and know and love in the other person what we know and love about ourselves.

Trouble is finding 2 people that really love for what is in someone else rather for what is not in someone else, for that is extemely rare!